You Are There For Me

When I need you, you are there for me.
You sit with me when I'm feeling low,
And make sure I don't cut.
You give me hope when I have none,
You stay strong and patient for me.
You are always there in my times of need,
To help me once again,
(For which I'm eternally grateful).



Thankyou Adam for being there for me and for being my friend.

Her

As she lies on the floor,
Lifeless,
People look at her and think of a life that once was.
A happy carefree girl,
Or so they thought.
She was far from it.
She led a life of misery and pain,
Of sadness and despair.
But to everyone else she had seemed too happy,
Like nothing was wrong.
They thought she had a perfect life.
They were wrong.
She lived each day in constant fear of reaching out for that knife,
For that bottle of pills,
Of one day going too far,
Cutting too deep, or taking too many pills.
She was right to fear that knife,
The knife she had given into,
To get one last high before she stopped,
Before she stopped cutting herself.
That was the last time she would reach for that knife.
But not because she'd had the will power to stop cutting,
But because she gave in one too many times.
Because now she is laying motionless on the floor,
Totally lifeless.
The last drop of blood dripping from her badly scarred slit wrist drops to the floor,
And she is dead.
Another life gone,
Another life wasted.
All to that stupid knife.

In Control

She cuts her skin to be in control.
In control of those feelings,
In control of those thoughts.
Those feelings of worthlessness,
Feelings of regret.
Those thoughts of death,
Of a simple plan to end it all.
To end all the hurt,
All the pain.
Another cut, another layer of skin chipped away.
That last cut,
The cut that ends it all.
Is that cut worth all that pain for everyone else?
Do you want someone else to suffer this pain?
This awful pain that you are feeling right now.
Suicide is contagious.
You do it and so will other people just to end the pain that you have caused by ending your life.
Do you want that on your conscience?!

I Want To...

I want to cut, but i don't want to die.
I want all my pain to just fade away.
I need to cut, i need that blade,
I need to make all my agony fade.
With each slice of the blade,
My depression lifts.
More and more,
But one day there will be no more.
I'll have gone too far,
Too far to take back.
I'll be dead.

A Cutters Heaven

A cutters heaven would be that of bliss,
One full of razors, blades and sharp points.
But this is one type of heavent that would surely hurt.
One full of pain, full of torture.
But for some, it would be a place of bliss and happiness

Hurting

The pain is there,
It's more than I can bear.
The pain hurts me,
But it is not physical pain,
It's emotional pain.
Pain I can't seem to get rid of,
Not unless I cut.
But I can't cut, I can't give in.
I've gone too long to just give up,
To end the pain for just a little while.
It doesn't last, but it kills me bit by bit.

My Angel

I have an angel,
I don't know her name.
But i know she was sent here to help me,
to save me from myself.

Friends

Friends are supposed to be there for you,
Friends are supposed to care.
Friends are supposed to help you out,
To make you smile when you're feeling down.
Friends are supposed to pick you up when you fall down,
They are supposed to tell you their biggest secrets.
I have plenty of friends,
But why can't they do any of that?

Friend

You are such a good friend,
one that cares about me,
tells me not to cut,
tries to help me even when I'm a cow.
You don't have to help me out like you have,
You could just give up on me,
but you promised that you wouldn't,
and that i believe.
Thanks for being my friend.

I'm Sorry

I'm sorry for being so arkward,
and for not doing as I'm told.
I know I'm not an easy person to help,
but you managed to help me out alot,
when I most needed help.
You were patient with me,
When I was being so arkward.
But i think your patience has paid off,
and there's proof of that.
And that proof is that I'm still here writing this,
and I'm still alive,
So I'm sorry for everything,
But I'll always be grateful,
So thank you.

Thank you

Thank you for helping me out,
when i was in a bad place.
Thank you for telling me not to hurt myself,
and for making me get help.
Thanks for taking me serious,
when no one else would.
Thank you for listening to me,
when i couldn't talk to anyone else,
and for trying your best to help me,
and for making me get help.
Thank you for telling my mother,
when I was too ashamed and scared.
And thank you for helping me to stay alive,
when all i wanted to do was end it all.
Thank you for saving my life,
and helping me not to give up.

Thank you

Thank you for helping me out,
With all my work.
Thanks for putting in the time,
To help me try to get it right,
For trying to help me pass.
I failed because of myself,
Not because of you.
I failed because of all my problems,
that i couldn't sort by myself.
Thank you for telling on me that day,
because if you hadn't, I wouldn't be here now.
Thank you for putting up with me,
when i was being arkward.
Thanks for everything you've ever done for me,
including helping me gain more confidence,
but there's far too many more to name.
I'm sorry that you're leaving,
but never forget how many people you've helped out,
and how much you are liked.
Never forget us, always remember us,
and always follow your dreams,
because it's because of you I'm going to try my best to follow mine.
Good bye and Good Luck.

What's the point?

What's the point in living like this?
In constant fear and pain.
What's the point in hanging on?
To just have another day like this.
But what's the point in giving up?
And causing others so much hurt and pain.
What's the point in giving up?
Because you never know what can happen,
And how soon things can get better.

Gossip

Why do people gossip?
when they know it causes so much pain?
why do people talk about others?
and make them feel so bad?
why do they spread all the lies?
just to hurt someone else?
its just so selfish and hurtful,
and i hate all the lies and deceit.
its alway denied after,
even when you know its them.
whats the point in gossip?
is it just to hurt?

I'm Sorry

I'm sorry that I didn't believe you,
but it was just that you were way too normal.
Too normal to be ill,
too normal to be dying.
You just didn't seem ill to me.
I'm sorry I caused you all that hurt and pain,
in your last few months.
But please know that i didn't know,
I didn't understand.
If only I'd listened and believed you,
Instead of putting you through all that hell.
You deserved better than that.
It's too late for me to change it all now,
but please know that i'm sorry.
And i hope you can forgive me,
now that you know my reasons.

Gone

I know you've gone and left me,
people say it was for the best.
I don't know where you've gone,
but I know you're never coming back.
People say you're in a better place now,
where you can have a new life,
filled with happiness and no more pain.
No more pain, no more tears.
I still can't believe you're gone,
I need you here with me.
To help me through all the tough times
to see that i get through alive.
But there's nothing I can ever do,
that can bring you back.
But please always know how much i love you,
and how much you are missed.
Please dont ever forget me,
Because i'll never ever forget you.

Snow

Snow on the rooftops,
snow on the ground.
Snow on all of the cars,
and snow on the mountaintops.
Can you tell it's December?
Christmas is almost here!

Don't you cry

Baby, please don't cry,
I've gone to a better place.
A new life full of joy and happiness,
and no more sorrow and pain.
So baby know that I still love you,
I always have and I always will.
So please baby, don't you cry.

Mommy, I'm Sorry

Mommy, I'm so sorry,
I had to end it all.
I wasn't trying to be selfish,
I didn't mean anyone pain.
I didn't mean to hurt you,
Or anyone else.
I just wanted to end all the pain.
Mommy, if you only knew how bad I was hurting,
You would see I wasn''t being selfish.
But now i can see,
all the hurt and pain I''ve caused.
If only I'd known.
I''m so sorry mommy,
Just know that it's not your fault.

Why?

How could you have been so selfish,
Didn't you know it was wrong?
How could you leave us to suffer like this,
When you got to take away all your pain?
Why did you have to leave so soon?
You were still too young.
Why did you have to do that,
and put us through all that pain?
What did we do to you that was so wrong?
Were our efforts to keep you alive all in vain?
I can't believe you did that,
I can't believe your gone.
It's too late now to give you a lecture.
Just know that you're missed alot,
and what you did was wrong.

A Miracle

Green leaves on the tree,
Raindrops on the ground.
Little ole me stuck in the house,
Lying in bed.
Hoping and praying for a miracle,
so i can wake up tomorrow,
and see all this again.

Christmas

Snow fallling on the ground.
The green pine tree being decorated.
Stockings hung for santa claus,
and food left out for his reindeers.
Presents sitting under the tree,
waiting to be opened bright and early on christmas morning.
Turkey roasting in the oven,
the chocolates half eating.
Just by looking,
Anyone can tell,
Christmas is here!

Hard

Its a hard, difficult thing,
To put them all in the bin.
They're my life line,
my only means of support.
But they can kill me,
and i don't want to die.
So the only solution,
Is to let them go,
to throw them all away.

Cutting

It's not as easy to stop,
as it is to start.
It's an addiction just like any other.
But it's not as often talked about.
It's the same as smoking, drinking alcohol or taking drugs.
But it scars you on the outside aswell as the inside,
which makes it more obvious to others,
Unless you cover yourself up.
Covering ourselves up,
is something all cutters are used to.
But it'd be so much better to stop.
Oh, if only i could stop.
If only it were possible.

Happiness

Happiness is a nice emotion,
One I don't experience much.
But when i'm happy,
I like to make the most of it,
Because i fear this emotion will never come again.

Trust

Trust is not just a word,
It's a very important thing in any relationship.
Whether it's friends, family or lovers,
It makes no difference who it is,
It's something that must be kept.
I don't trust alot of people,
But i trusted you.
I trusted you with a deadly secret.
One that's ripping me apart from within,
One that could kill me.
And you broke our trust,
By telling everyone my secret.
My secret that broke me,
The one that may one day kill me.
And now our trust has gone.

If I Told You A Secret.

If i told you a secret, would you promise not to tell?
It's something I want kept private,
something that noone else can know.
You see,I have this problem,
One i cannot shake.
It is an awful secret,
One i cannot tell anyone else.
Promise It'll keep as a secret?
Forever and a day.

Where were you?

You expect me to be here for you,
to help you all i can.
But where were you when i needed you most,
when i wanted to throw it all down the pan.
You want me to help you with your problems,
and for anyone else i wouldn't mind.
But you shut me out and ignored me,
When i needed you the most.

You were always there

You were always there for me
Whenever i needed help.
I will always be here for you,
So i can repay the debt.
You helped me overcome alot of obstacles
and you were always there for me
especially when i was down.
You helped me to learn to smile again
when i didn't think it was possible.
You have always been there for me
When i needed you most.
And I will always be here for you
To give back what you have given me.

Obstacles

When you come to a mountain, climb it,

Not all at once, but step by step, a bit at a time,

And you will get over it.

When you come to a river, cross it.

There is the easy way or the hard way.

The easy way is to walk through it and get wet,

but the harder way is to build a bridge.

It may be the hardest way,

but the hardest way is always best.

When you come to a hurdle,

Don't just walk around it,

Jump over it.

Anyone can overcome any obstacle if they put their minds to it.

It may be hard, and it may take time, but it's always possible.

No Going Back November 24th 2002


She lies there on the ground,

Thinking of how she could have made him proud.

But now there is nothing,

Nothing at all.

For she has decided her way out of this hole.

She thought it would be for the best if she ended it all.

But she was wrong,

It wasn't for the best,

Because what about all the rest?

The rest of the people she was leaving behind.

The ones that would miss her,

The ones that were kind,

The ones that she had pushed to the back of her mind.

But now it's too late,

Too late to change it.

What's done is done,

There's no going back.

Her

She sits on the cold, hard floor of her bathroom. Crimson lines fill her body. The blood running down her body, the cold, shiny, silver razor lying at her side. She knows what she's doing is wrong, but no matter how hard she tries she just can't stop. She likes the way she feels when the cold razor blade cuts through her skin and when she sees the crimson drops flowing from her wounds. She likes the way her problems seem to disappear, the calmness after she's finished. But, if only she knew the truth. The truth about how this would ruin her life, how it would scar her - not just physically, but also mentally. How one day it would kill her.